I have a dream. That is not that weird and holy shit is starting something with “I have a dream” not remotely original. I want to write. That does not really seem too odd. After all, I’m writing a blog which takes some work and dedication I suppose. However, I’m feeling a certain stress when it comes to writing already. I’m not really sure why. It’s not like I have any sort of major following. Some random dudes from Singapore and Rwanda have read my stuff about anxiety, which is cool. I assume it’s spam related though I don’t really know exactly how spam works on WordPress. Hey, maybe people are just interested in the random American guy’s first world problems and want to go to him for help. I don’t know.
I’m still trying to hit my stride with this. I have been thinking about it all day. I want to put content out and just hope that finally I release the piece of writing that makes it so I can quit my job or quit work altogether. Maybe I’ll write the thing that gets me millions of dollars and lets me just buy a house in Boston with straight cash. That’d be cool. Do random bloggers make millions suddenly? I’m going to assume that’s rare but if one of you random dudes reading this just so happens to be a fan and also happens to be Mark Cuban or something, hook me up with a massive donation please! Genius like this isn’t free! (well, it is. I beg people for views all the time) But with attempting to write frequently I fear that writing a blog about fears would lead to something mundane. Which I suppose is fine, a good writer can turn the mundane into something interesting, but I constantly fear this isn’t happening. I fear that I am just sitting at my computer hitting buttons that turn into letters that turn into words somehow. But I also fear that if I don’t write I’ll quit. I don’t want to quit. I want to keep churning out pieces of great art and entertainment (or whatever the fuck this is! Now I’m fearing the self-deprecating thing is going too far. I also fear that none of my jokes are working. This is hard) I fear that if there is someone reading consistently, like if I have a fan, and just one would be cool, that I’d be letting them down by not continuing to write. I also fear that someone is reading this and judging me by saying that it’s ridiculous that this guy would think he’d have a fan. It is possible that such a person thinks I’m narcissistic for suggesting it. This format of writing is challenging. If I want to maintain a blog in which I write daily it’s difficult. It doesn’t always feel fun and it doesn’t always feel as if the words I say are choosing to flow, and honestly this is one of those times. I’m starting to feel as though the writing process is scarier than I thought it’d be.