I’m not 100% sure that what I’m about to write about is really anxiety per say but it does create stress within me and stress and anxiety are at the very least cousins. I have this thing where I get very excited for something and want to do as much of that thing as I possibly can. For instance, when I got back into comics for the first time since childhood, I didn’t want to just read what I could, I wanted to read every issue of Batman ever. When I want to learn more about a religion I want to read every religious text in the span of a few months. I don’t want to just try a couple craft beers, I want to drink every single one in one night. (okay, this one I may have come close to in my younger days….) The point is I get enthusiasm and I bite off more than I can chew. The enthusiasm is great but then I create a list of all the things I want to do in association with it and later become stressed because I can’t possibly get done what I want to get done. And because I’m enthused about the activity I obsess over it to the point where it can affect my sleep then after a day of not doing what I want to do I give up and move on to something else.
I’m in one of these moods when it comes to reading and writing. For someone who wants to write I don’t read nearly as much as I should but I do read at times and then there are times where it’s all I want to do. What is happening is I’m getting desires to read every classic novel I can think of, I want to read every blog on WordPress and also read all self-published novels on Amazon just to get a feel for what works. On top of that I work almost 50 hours a week as of late. So what happens is during the times I work I can’t stop thinking about all the reading I want to do AND want to write too (because on top of the reading I desire to do I also want to continue updating this blog and write multiple novels.) Basically, I’m struggling to find the time to do what I want to do here and then balance other activities are that aren’t work and writing. My fear is that I’ll stop after not getting the views I want or I will not write for 2 days and just figure it’s over but I’m attempting this by trying to remain in the moment. I feel like if I focus on enjoying what I’m doing now instead of accomplishing a bunch of stuff that isn’t closed to being accomplished I will continue to do what I do. Reading is fun, writing is fun and I shouldn’t turn it into a chore. Approaching it with this mentality will hopefully keep me working towards those big goals but it won’t feel daunting because I’m not really thinking about it.