I don’t know if it’s justified or not but I decided to make this thing private only for a bit as I didn’t really want a future employer to read it and see how screwed up I am. Considering the fact that I haven’t actually officially accepted the recent offer letter I received I supposed I am still a little paranoid over it
Now I am facing a new fear. I guess you could call it performance anxiety or fear of success, I don’t know. There’s an element of self-doubt I am now facing as I have never really had a job outside of low paying jobs with low expectations. I will have sales goals to meet and I will be expected to perform. That’s an intimidating thought. At my current job I’m pretty sure if I wanted to say “fuck it” and hang around certain areas, away from customers and other employees I am more than certain I could do it. I’m not really judged on anything so as long as I don’t tell a customer to “eat dicks” or something and don’t commit safety violations I am pretty much okay. I have a mentality, especially as of late where I’m trying to work with my anxiety, where this isn’t exactly acceptable to me and I want to excel and succeed so I can’t bring myself to do such things but I’m not really judged on anything.
With that being said, I plan on making frequent posts again. With my upcoming big move and new advancements in life will come new anxieties so material will definitely be there. Last time I had a big move I convinced myself of some crazy stuff so maybe this time something fun will happen. Will I be haunted by Sadaam Hussein? Will I be paranoid that the homeless are breaking into my place and stealing my crackers? How many times a day will I be sure I am about to be fired? All these questions will be answered in upcoming posts on Scarred Dude or whatever the hell this thing is called.