This is a throwback post from a different blog. I am using an old computer with a screwed up keyboard and this is all I can do. This sentence took an hour to write.
I fear rejection like an 80’s sitcom nerd. Growing up, I never really asked any girl out until I was in college because I would have had to face the horrible possibility of them saying “No.” (C’mon though. Look at me, would anyone say no? Of course not. I mean, I wouldn’t be very protective of you. I hate confrontation. And getting hurt. A dude comes up to us with a knife or something I’d probably run and say “You’re on your own baby.” And throw her to the mugger and then run away. But we live in a different society nowadays, we are on equal ground. I don’t need to protect shit. Woman’s liberation motherfucker. Helping wussies get laid since, like, 2004 I guess.)
But this really isn’t about me and my lack of success with women. Or the fact that I am afraid of submitting any of my short story work to any real publisher because reading the rejection letter is too disheartening. Actually, what really happens is I sit there and yell at them out loud, usually in the library, about how they don’t know true talent. Yes, I’m a little narcissistic but I’m a lovable narcissist. The fact is though, this is a common fear, lots of people fear rejection. At least when it comes to major things, like their passion or their love life, but I can’t stand when someone says “no” to me, even if it involves little things.
For instance, I was at a bar last night and I asked for a Sam Adams beer. It’s my go to beer. Mostly because it’s tasty and every bar I have gone to until last night carries it. The waitress told me “no” and for the rest of the evening that moment dwelled in my mind up until I went to bed. I thought stuff like, “That lady probably thinks I’m the biggest dick in the world.” and said stuff to myself like, “I can’t believe that bitch said ‘no’ to me. She needs to find a way to get me a fucking Boston Lager or else she gets no tip.” It’s a good thing I don’t say my immediate thoughts because I’d look like a prick. 2017 Edit: how did I miss on the opportunity for a “waitress getting the tip” joke. Like, tip, as in penis. Okay, maybe it’s because that was the joke….ugh.
I’m pretty sure I’d be an awful sales man or business owner because I’d try to negotiate and I’d be afraid to ask for anything I want out of fear that they’d say no. I’d also probably just accept whatever they’d offer because I don’t really like saying “no” either (I buy all kinds of crap that is offered to me at a cash register because I don’t like to say “no”. You could probably talk me into buying a $100.00 protection plan on a pack of pencils.)
In fact, it’s so bad that next time I go to the doctor I will ask if I have cancer with the fear that he will say, “No.”