I AM THE BEST DAY HAVER OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!

Today will be the day. I’m going to break this social anxiety today. The regular anxiety too. And the depression. I’m ambitious but I’m capable of anything. Everyone I see will get my best. I will ask about their day. I will tell them about me and I will help everyone with their needs. I got this. I even fucking showered today, so that’s good. My hair looks good. That doesn’t matter much because I work mostly with dudes and I’m married but still. I look good. I got this not quite beard but not quite stubble thing going. Maybe it’s a short beard? I don’t know but it works.

My jam just played on the radio. I rapped a little bit. To the guy on the radio, I haven’t written my own, it was awkward. Don’t worry, I didn’t say the N-word. I know I’m not supposed to do that but the rest of the song was full of swag and now I’m pumped. This is my world. Today’s the day I make some awesome change. Today is the day I take the first step towards millions. Okay, that number sounds ambitious but I can do it. There’s billions of dollars out there, 2 million, which would technically be millions, going to me isn’t impossible. It’s only a fraction of the possible money that can go to me. Today’s the day. I just need the idea. It will come to me but in the meantime, I will continue to be the best I can be. I’ll slow down, work with people maybe even develop some sales tactics.

I’m now at work….oh boy. I don’t want to be. I walk by a co-worker I rarely talk to. I want to be that cool guy who makes everyone feel comfortable but you know what? I never talk to that person and I think I’ll avoid them today too. They weren’t looking at me anyways. It’s fine, they won’t even know. Here’s another guy…eh, I got a little pissy with him last week. He probably thinks I’m a dick…I don’t want to open that can of worms. I’ll just look at my phone really quick while he walks by. I’ll look busy. Okay, now he’s past me today is the day I will change. Hey look! A customer….actually, he looks pissed. And that mustache is really big. He’s a tough guy. I bet if I talk to that dude I’ll look like a pussy or something. I’ll give him a “cool dude” nod. Alright, we’re done with that. Hey! There’s my friend. What’s up friend? Let’s talk about things we know! Or at least things I know! I’ll talk about me forever! Oh, you have to move on. Oh shit, we forgot to talk about you….well….next time maybe.

Look at me! I’m doing work! I’m doing even more work! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! Oh, what’s that? You want me do to something for you? Look, I know I made the internal decision to help people but I’m busy and you didn’t exactly say, “please”…naw, fuck you. I got something else to do. OH LOOK IT’S LUNCH TIME!!!!! TIME TO STARE AT MY PHONE AND IGNORE PEOPLE WHO ANNOY ME WITH “CARING ABOUT MY DAY!”

Lunch is over. I’m tired. Hi coworker who needs my help. Nah, I don’t wanna. I’m tired. I’m going to take a break. Fuck, I didn’t pay a bill in 2007. That shit’s in collections Well, it was at least. Is that going to affect my credit? Also, I think I have AIDS. I mean, I’ve never fucked anyone with AIDS but I have, like, one symptom so I probably have AIDS. Well screw this. My day is ruined. Fuck everyone who needs my fucking help. Eat balls life. I’ll try again tomorrow.

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