Why Is Money So Scary? It’s Just Weird Paper With Some Old Dudes On It.

How do I you save money? I feel like the question is asked a lot. It seems like there’s a lot of articles that exist that cover how to not spend, stuff about debt and how it’s the worst and stuff about investing and anything else relating to money. There are television shows and even channels devoted to money and we pretty much vote in elections based upon how to spend money. We are marketed to by everyone in an attempt to influence our thought so that people can take our money. It feels like from a very young age we are put in a mindset that revolves around dolla bills y’all.

It makes sense. Money is a very important tool and it is what we use to get us things we need and enjoy. None of that is new information. I assume you’re at a point in your life where you understand the value of money.

Pretty much all of my anxieties revolve around the fact that I don’t have enough of it. I actually just checked out my bank account as I am writing this to see where I stand as far as money goes. I’m not writing all of this as a precursor to bash having money because obviously it is important. No, money isn’t everything but it does matter. But I think the relationship a lot of us seem to have with money is rather fucked. I am personally terrified of letting go any of it even if it means utilizing it on something that would make me happy or, could possibly make me more of it in the future. I feel like there’s a message that is given that says “debt is bad” to the point that people, like myself, who have a decent amount of debt almost feel subhuman and like they are constantly making bad choices because of this fact.

Now, I’m not saying that free spending and going into debt are great ideas on their own but what if by doing so you are saying you trust yourself to get out of the debt?I think there is a view that people who go into debt are viewing the credit as free money and they don’t have the realization that it needs to be paid back but I think there could be an element of “I use this credit because I know down the line I’ll make money.” It kind of is a person putting a bet on themselves. At that point a person in debt now has a positive view of their situation instead of a feeling of shame and a relief from the shame may just be enough to help a person succeed.

The same goes for spending on something enjoyable. Again, I have hard time doing this myself. When I was young I’d buy a CD for 10 dollars, and this was when I was working, and for multiple days I’d feel guilty. I’d tell myself that every song on the album was good because I didn’t want to regret spending the money. I forced myself to have a good time because of the dollar amount spent instead of the music itself being enjoyable. If I had just told myself “I’ll take a chance with this ten dollars and if the music sucks that’s the bands fault not mine. I’ll get 10 dollars back down the line and it’ll be okay.”

Like I said, I’m not writing this because I advocate spending willy nilly (what the hell is the etymology of that phrase by the way?) But more that I have found that having a mindset of always trying to hold myself down and judge myself over the way money is handled seems to have more of a negative impact on myself mentally that trying to take a mindset of finding ways to make more money. I have sat at my desk, looking at my finances and judged myself for spending on something and at that point I feel sub human which causes depression. Which causes me to care less about if I struggle which causes me to spend on something stupid and it creates a cycle that I’ve been in during the entirety of my independent life and as you can see, I have enough fears to fill an entire blog.

In the last few months I have taken steps towards thinking of ways my skills can translate into something financially and now I’m a millionaire! No, I’m still broke at the moment but now I feel motivated in terms of my writing. I’ve gotten a better paying job than I had before and I’ve taken a leap and am moving to an awesome city that I never imagined living in. A lot of those things created some initial financial commitment on my part and even a little bit of debt. But I see many fruitful possibilities coming from all those situations and more importantly, I’m better off mentally because I’m starting to learn that I can take some chances and get through some very difficult circumstances and if I happen to fail at whatever comes my way I know that I am able to get other opportunities. I’m seeing that the more I let go there is a path opening up to where I can get rid of my debts and to where I can earn more spending money and that path is way more clearer than the obsession with spending and the shame I put onto myself over debt has ever given me. At this point, it’s about developing patience. I want the money now but I’m truly confident good things are happening and that I will open up more doors and I really encourage people who are struggling the same to take a look at themselves and take stock in all their skills and see how you can utilize them to help yourself succeed. If you’re willing to ask a random dude on the internet I’d be willing to try to help you find some skills. I’ve looked at a couple of resumes recently and I have found that I love trying to help better people’s resume’s and helping people discover the skills they don’t know they have and I’d be more than willing to do my part to help a person see what they can do when they aren’t completely seeing it for themselves yet.

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