I don’t think any move is easy but pretty much every single thing that can go wrong has gone wrong today. Whether it’s a couch not going out the door the way it should or a screw being stripped on a bed frame or the amount of trash I have being more than a dumpster can hold, it seems like there’s one obstacle after another. And those aren’t the only issues, other, less superficial issues have hit me too and every single problem has been a punch to the chest and has been an obstacle that nearly seems impossible to overcome.
A couple things about this. The issues that have come up have been so demoralizing that there was a part of me that wanted to say, “Fuck it, I’m not meant to move to Boston.” (If you haven’t been following a majority of my stress has been centered around a move from South Bend, Indiana to Boston. If you have been following, just skip that part but too late you already read it and wasted your time.) Part of me wanted to just stop trying to go. I mean, I’ve always been a mid-west guy and maybe that’s what I’m meant to be. But honestly, there’s another side to this.
I’m going to go into some spiritual/maybe religious thought. I’m going to put the disclaimer that I have trouble believing in a higher power but I’m entering with this mindset in an attempt to be more open minded and because as of late I have been curious as to if something greater is out there. So, if everything that is happening as I try to go to Boston is something that is negative that COULD mean great things are going to happen while I’m there. My thought is maybe, something wants me to be the person I’ve always been, a status quo sort of dude who never takes chances but because he doesn’t, never experiences true success and maybe that something is trying to keep me from going because I will improve my life out there. This thought, as crazy as it sounds to someone who believes in nothing and believe me, I’m still not sure if I do and I even think it sounds nuts as I clearly am trying to justify this with random rambling, kind of keeps me going. With everything that goes wrong I’m more determined to get there because I’m more sure this is where I’m supposed to go. Okay, a part of me is sure, the other part is trying to not cry and has a stomach ache at all hours of the day but the optimistic part of me is sure that all these obstacles are being put in my way to try to keep me from something better
But there’s another aspect to this. I’m going to preface this next point by saying I’m am stubborn and am positive I can do everything on my own. Today, I have had many lessons showing me this isn’t true. I’ve had to ask people for help on multiple occasions, and that’s hard on me, not just because of my pride but because I have strong social anxiety.
Basically, on what has been the roughest day on me emotionally and physically, I’ve possible learned that I am making the right choice in my move because I will do great things and that people care about me and are willing to help me when the going gets tough. To be honest, that’s fucking awesome and I’ve never learned anything like that when everything is awesome.