Sometimes I’m Able to Get Through the Pain.

I post my struggles and am very candid about that sort of thing. I do it because I think it’s important. There seems to be a certain beauty in human vulnerability and I have gotten some wicked cool responses(I have to say ‘wicked’ now because I live in New England….yeah, that’s not going to be a thing I continue to do…) The openness of my expressions has created some kind of connection between me and others. Today, at my new job, I even expressed a level of honesty and vulnerability that seemed to create a cool vibe between me and my coworkers. Now, to be clear, I wasn’t spilling how I didn’t feel like I measured up to other humans and expressing how I have horrible social anxiety but I did acknowledge moments when I wasn’t 100% confident with something and within that honesty I created a connection with new people as there was likely something there that could be related to. There seemed to be a different energy than if I had just come in and tried to be fake confident and arrogant or something.

My point of this is that I go into the pain but rarely celebrate the good. The point of the expressing of my pain is to show this; I have incredibly awful anxiety that brings me to the lows I felt just last night (https://scareddude.com/2017/06/13/remember-that-time-when-i-wanted-to-achieve-something-can-i-go-back-to-not-wanting-that-please/) but I have proven that I can work through fear that causes me to sleep limited hours and do whatever I need to do anyways. I say this to show that if I can come from fear like that. Everyone can work through fear like that (and I’ve read many different articles about people who have anxiety that is near crippling.) I have such a desire to turn my experiences into some kind of an inspiration for others instead of creating art that is built entirely of pain and suffering. It’s because of that I try to pour out every ounce of who I am in different videos and articles. That doesn’t mean I’m successful in doing so. That doesn’t mean I’m vulnerable as much as I’d like but I want so bad to look at my painful moments and see that I got through them and I grew. I hope others decide to join me on that journey.

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